Let’s be honest and think about how many lies you have told during the day you are reading this article. If the answer is zero, congratulations, but if you are not a saint or something, we are sure that you tell a few lies every day, no matter how small. We all lie because some of us use it as a defense mechanism in difficult situations, and some of us have made it a bad habit.
Although we try to mitigate it with cute names such as pink lie and white lie, we lie whenever we do not tell the truth. If we do not count the sociopaths who have built their lives on lies, it is natural to lie and there are many important reasons behind it. Let’s take a closer look at why we lie and try to answer this question in the light of science.
Why do we lie? Here are some of the main underlying reasons:
- To defend ourselves.
- To hide our true feelings.
- To keep a secret.
- To look better from the outside.
- To manipulate other people.
- Because we had to.
To defend ourselves:
Lying in self-defense is one of the most common reasons for lying. It is known that children who grew up in oppressive families often lie to defend themselves when they grow up. Because that boy learned that when he tells the truth, he gets punished.
The most typical example of this is to say the price of a product you bought is lower. You earn your own money and you can easily buy a pair of shoes worth two thousand liras, but because of your learned motivation, you say the price of the shoe is lower, thus reducing the potential negative reaction of the other party. So you’re hiding the truth even if it doesn’t pose a problem.
To hide our true feelings:
Most of the lies that we call cute names such as white lies and pink lies consist of lies that we hide our own feelings. In fact, such lies are told in order not to hurt both our own feelings and the feelings of the other party. The most typical example is to say that it suits your friend who bought a new shirt, even if it doesn’t.
Lies to hide our own feelings can be more layered. Let’s give an example; You entered a job interview that you had been waiting for a long time and it went bad. You hid your feelings by saying “Oh, I didn’t want it too much anyway.” A person tends to hide their true feelings by telling this type of lie both to themselves and to others.
To keep a secret:
Perhaps one of the most justified reasons for lying is to keep a secret. It’s not a secret that two people know, but let’s say a friend gave you information on a very special subject for him. Another friend of yours also asked about this topic. To be honest, you’re not telling this private information and you’re lying to keep it a secret.
Confidential lies can sometimes be simple lies told to hide the birthday party or bigger lies that will last a lifetime. In general, such lies are understandable and forgiven even if they are exposed. Of course, it is necessary to adjust the dose well and not to make a fool of the other party for keeping a secret.
To look better from the outside:
It’s sad, but unfortunately, the main reason many of us lie is to look good from the outside. Let’s face it, some people are pretty good at this. Such lies are often used in job interviews or on first dates. Although it is understandable, the consequences can be dire when the truth comes out.
These types of lies are used to make up for a lack of people in general. He doesn’t say he doesn’t know English, he says he hasn’t spoken for a long time, he says I’m blind; He doesn’t say I’m fat, he says I quit sports and I’m taking medicine; We can give countless more examples, such as hiding his poverty by borrowing an expensive outfit from a friend. We gave the examples a little innocent, let’s not guide the thief.
To manipulate other people:
That’s why if you see someone lying, you should avoid looking back because let’s face it, even if a lie is a bad thing, it basically affects the person telling it, but if a person lies to influence the other person’s feelings, thoughts and behaviors, that is, to manipulate him, the situation can be literally scary.
One of the most basic manipulation techniques is to lie. The person telling these lies may not be aware of the manipulation or may be an aware sociopath. Whichever way we look at it, this is the most disturbing of the reasons for lying. Again, run away as soon as you understand.
Because we have to:
The situation of a person who lies because he has to, is actually not clear-cut. Because some people may have to hide the situation that actually exists. However, some feel compelled to lie because they make it a habit to lie even when there is no problem.
If the person has become a pathological liar, lies constantly, and even worse, begins to believe in his own life based on the lies he tells, this is clearly a psychological disorder. Unfortunately, such people do not even realize that this is a problem because they are immersed in the false world they have created, and therefore they do not get help.
How do we know when someone is lying?
To be honest, we do not understand easily. Of course, if we have concrete data about the subject being lied to, we can make a comparison and understand what is true, but it is often difficult for an expert to understand whether the person is lying about abstract matters such as his feelings and thoughts.
Of course, we can’t all give rosy advice like let’s all be honest and remove the lie completely from our lives. Lying is sometimes really necessary. However, lying outside of understandable reasons to protect the other party’s feelings or to hide our own feelings and making it a habit will definitely pave the way for much worse psychological disorders.
If you feel that this kind of lying habit has formed in yourself, first determine why you are lying and try to change the negative situation by thinking about the reason. If there are things that you cannot change, you should accept them and shape your life accordingly. Of course, do not hesitate to get help from an expert in cases where you can’t get out of the job.
Answering the question of why we lie, we explained some of the reasons scientists put forward on the subject. What we describe is for informational purposes only. If you think that there is such a pathological case in yourself or around you, do not hesitate to seek help from a specialist psychologist.
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