“Neither with or without you…” we sometimes say. If the person in front of us stays in our lives, it is a problem, if he leaves our life, it is another problem. Sounds interesting, right?
Family, friends or lover… Relationships that can be extremely challenging to establish and manage human relationships. The excessive closeness built on a not very solid foundation, especially with deprivation, restlessness and rudeness, brings with it crackling sounds. Arthur Schopenhauer builds this equation, which we talked about with the Hedgehog Dilemma, on hedgehogs, allowing us to better see the approach and distance behavior of humans in relationships.
Human relations through the hedgehog metaphor
Hedgehogs huddle together to raise their body temperature in cold weather. The warmth and comfort that this snuggle brings prevents the two hedgehogs from realizing that they are actually hurting each other with their arrows. Of course, this situation does not last long, after a certain time hedgehogs; They start to feel uncomfortable with each other. The dilemma, in this example; He likens the cold weather to human deprivation, the desire to mingle with the healing power hoped for from human relations, and the arrows that cause the hedgehog’s discomfort to the transcendent and disturbing behavior of people.
After being separated from each other due to arrows, the hedgehogs, who had to struggle with the cold this time, prefer the discomfort of arrows to succumb to the cold and get closer again. Hedgehogs, who have the same problems in this rapprochement, move away again, and eventually, they set up the next intimacy in a different way, eliminating this dilemma and discomfort: Hedgehogs approach each other at a distance, thus preventing both the cold and the behavior of harming each other.
What does this metaphor describe? We can say that
Arthur Schopenhauer paints a picture of the unhealthy situation in human relations with the Hedgehog Dilemma. Even if their intentions are good, people tend to hurt other people they hug because of loneliness and restlessness. From this point of view, we can think that human relations will always result in harm at some point; but it is not. Just like in the metaphor, a distant intimacy can be the savior of human relations.
The first step to achieve this distant intimacy, as can be expected, passes through etiquette, courtesy and tolerance. If you only get caught up in the gaps in your inner world and the negative emotions you experience and hug someone else with the tension they create; its end results in a departure and a return to the starting point. If you keep your distance, respect personal space, and treat your relationship with kindness while establishing intimacy, both parties will benefit and a healthy relationship will be established.
Arthur Schopenhauer and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma
Chapter 396 of Arthur Schopenhauer’s “Parerga and Paralipomena: Brief Philosophical Essays” published in 1851. Schopenhauer expresses the aforementioned Hedgehog Dilemma with these words:
“On a cold winter morning, many porcupines came very close to each other in order not to freeze. Soon, they noticed their arrows and left. When it got cold, they came close to each other again. When the arrows disturbed them, they went away again. The dilemma they lived, oscillating between freezing from the cold and the pain of sinking arrows, continued until the distance between them reached a point where they could endure both pains. It is the emptiness and monotony of their inner world that brings people together. The opposite features and the mistakes they can’t tolerate drive them away from each other. In the end, they meet at the common point where they can coexist, determined by courtesy and manners.”
Freud also has studies on the Hedgehog Dilemma
Although the Hedgehog Dilemma seems to be integrated with Schopenhauer, the founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, one of the most important names of psychology, also He is known to have cited this dilemma in the 1900s. Expressing that he had to go to the USA even though he did not like it, with the words “I am going to the USA to see a wild hedgehog and give some lessons”, Freud also goes over the same metaphorical points in the construction and continuation of human relations and shares the same view with Schopenhauer.
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