One of the first words that comes to mind when talking about meeting new people for a romantic relationship is ‘flirt’. Especially if the person in question is someone we have never met before, the dating stage is indispensable for the parties to get to know each other more closely. As a result of this process, people can get a clearer picture of how compatible they are in the relationship.
However, dating is like a nightmare for some. While some people can’t do this stage at all, some are masters at dating. So, what is the most effective method when it comes to dating? What are the things that make one person more successful in dating than someone else? Let’s see together what is the answer of science to these questions.
First of all: What is dating?
One dating technique can be more effective than another; however, this does not mean that that technique will produce the same result for everyone. In fact, according to Leif Edward Ottesen Kennair, a professor in the Department of Psychology at the Norwegian University of Science and Technology (NTNU), what matters most in dating is your gender and whether the dating goal is a long-term or short-term relationship. Before going into more details, let’s first listen to what is dating, from the mouth of an expert.
What is dating? In Kennair’s words, dating involves “different signals that people send to each other. It is made to attract potential mates. Both men and women flirt to get the attention of a desired partner and perhaps get a sexual or romantic result from it”.
According to one of the study’s co-authors, T. Joel Wade, Chairing Professor of Psychology at Bucknell University in the USA, flirting can be done verbally or nonverbally. In short, dating is basically a dating process where you get to know the other person and yourself in order to attract a potential partner. I think this process can be likened to a seller trying to sell a product.
It is extremely important that you state what your purpose and expectation are in dating
If we understood what dating is, let’s now come to what ‘works’ in dating is… Kennair According to people, women who are looking for a short-term relationship consider signals that you are sexually available as one of the most effective things in dating. According to this context, ‘friendly’ contacts such as hugging and kissing on the cheek are not very welcome. Accordingly, women whose only expectation is a short-term ‘getaway’ from dating should clearly inform their potential partner.
Another dating tactic works in a completely different context of ‘mating’. According to Kennair and her colleague Mons Bendixen, the most effective dating method for men looking for a long-term relationship is to show generosity and make the other person feel that they want to be committed. In other words, for men who want to stay with their partner for a long time, maybe even for life, it is very important not to draw a profile that is stingy or prefers to change spouses frequently.
Funny always wins
But when it comes to dating, there’s one weapon you can use that works effectively for almost anyone. Yes, we are talking about a sense of humor. Kennair explains, “People find that humor or being able to make someone else laugh is most effective for men looking for a long-term relationship. It’s least effective for women looking for a one-night stand. But laughing or giggling at the other person’s jokes is effective for both genders. It’s a dating tactic.”
Co-author Rebecca Burch from SUNY Oswego, USA states, “It’s very important for women to not only be funny, but also show your potential partner that you think it’s funny.”
Smiling and eye contact are also very important
If you need to flirt but aren’t quite sure how, it may be wise to use humor. Smiling and eye contact can be lifesaving at this point. According to Kennair, these two end up in the dating process. Building and improving your dating skills on this basis, using the most important and then more advanced tactics, can yield very good results.
Dating styles are largely ‘universal’
Researchers have applied the theory of sexual strategies as a framework for their studies. Variants of this theory have previously been used in other contexts dealing with how men and women move forward to find partners; however, this is the first time this theory has been used to study dating effectiveness. Kennair states that the findings on the subject are in “perfect harmony” with what is known in the ‘self-promotion’ literature, and states that dating is almost the same across the USA and Norway.
Flirting is associated only to a lesser extent with culture across the board, for example people’s body language, first contact, and the degree of generosity. In other words, this means that effective dating is largely universal. This is not surprising when we consider that their motivation to find a mate is partly biological. On the other hand, it also means that people fine-tune the way they flirt according to their culture.
There is not a great correlation between our personality and our dating behaviors
Researchers who surveyed nearly 1000 students in Norway and the USA found that participants had long-term or asked them to rate how effective 40 different types of dating were for a short-term relationship and whether the date was male or female. In the randomized survey, the researchers also took into account such factors as participants’ extroversion, age, religiosity, how willing the person was to be in relationships, and their “peer-to-peer,” i.e. how attractive they were in the dating market.
The results of the study revealed that individual differences in age, religiosity, extroversion, personal attractiveness, and short-term sexual preference had little or no effect on participants’ perceptions of how effective various dating tactics were.
This means that our personality may not be as relevant as we think to how we evaluate the dating behavior of others. In contrast, Bendixen notes, “We believe that personal characteristics influence the type of flirting people self-employ.”
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