We can go to the deepest part of the oceans and the farthest point of space, but we have not yet fully penetrated the folds of our brain that make us who we are. Of course, there are countless theories put forward, but it is still not possible to put our minds forward and say, look, I think or feel these things. At this point, the skill of empathy comes into play and an effort is made to understand the other person in some way.
Even if we talk about empathy as a conceptual skill, we can say that it actually forms the foundations of social life. Because the only way we can understand the feelings and thoughts of a person who has experienced something we have not experienced and may never experience is to empathize. Let’s take a closer look at what empathy is, how it is established, and see whether it is really as important as it is described.
Let’s start with a brief definition: What is empathy?
Empathy in its most basic definition; It is the ability of a person to feel what another person feels by putting himself in his shoes. Understanding what other people feel emotionally, looking at things from that person’s perspective, and moreover, putting ourselves in their shoes is empathy.
How to build empathy? There are two basic theories put forward by scientists on the subject:
- simulation theory
- theory of mind
Simulation theory:
As the name suggests, according to simulation theory, empathy skill is actually the ability of a person to recognize the feeling by simulating what another person is experiencing as if he were experiencing it himself. In other words, you think about what happened to a friend of yours, wondering if it had happened to me, and you feel the same or at least similar to him. It is thought that the mirror neurons in our brain have the ability to provide this.
Theory of mind:
Theory of mind claims that empathy actually occurs in accordance with social rules. We think about what that person will experience after an event that has happened to him, and we try to make sense of that person’s feelings through examples we have seen before. In other words, he doesn’t actually feel what he’s going through, we just think about it and try to frame what he’s feeling based on examples we’ve seen before.
There are three basic types of empathy:
- emotional empathy
- somatic empathy
- cognitive empathy
Emotional empathy:
Emotional empathy is one of the most endearing types of empathy. Thinking a lot about a person’s well-being and even feeling distressed about it is defined as emotional empathy. The aim of this type of empathy is to understand the person’s emotions and give the most accurate response to these emotions.
Somatic empathy:
Somatic empathy is actually an interesting expression, because in this form of empathy, physical symptoms appear in you as a result of the emotions experienced by another person. If you show somatic empathy when your friend experiences an embarrassing event in an environment, you may blush, sweat, or show similar symptoms.
Cognitive empathy:
The empathy that occurs when the theory of mind we mentioned above operates is called cognitive empathy. In this type of empathy, which is based entirely on thinking, we think about the situation of the person experiencing an experience and try to give the most accurate answer to it.
Okay, but why do we empathize?
Recent studies have shown that different parts of our brain, especially the anterior cingulate cortex and anterior insula, play an important role in empathy. According to another experiment in which we understand this, individuals with damaged lower frontal gyrus part of their brain cannot understand emotions from facial expressions and therefore cannot empathize. So empathy also has a neurological explanation.
Another answer to the question of why we empathize focuses on our emotional side. As mortal humans, the number of emotions we can feel in our afterlife is limited. But if we empathize, we will understand even the emotions we have never experienced, and only then will we turn into real people. This is why we empathize even with fictional characters.
The most rational reason why we empathize is hidden in the social system. No matter how much we isolate ourselves, we live a life where we have to be social, and if we do not understand how the people we live this life with feel, we cannot exist within the social structure. So actually we have to empathize.
If you have these characteristics, your ability to empathize is quite high:
- Listening fully to what the other person is saying.
- People often tell you about their private problems.
- Correctly understanding the feelings of others.
- Thinking frequently about how others feel.
- Other people often ask you for advice.
- Feeling bad about bad events.
- Helping those who are going through bad things.
- Saying this to dishonest people.
- Sometimes feeling overwhelmed in social situations.
- Genuinely caring about others.
- Having difficulty setting boundaries in relationships.
These are the most common situations in people with high empathy skills. Of course, if you do not have the characteristics we have described, it does not mean that you do not have the ability to empathize, but since these are the natural results of empathy, if you empathize successfully, you are likely to experience most of them.
So what happens when we empathize, does it really affect our social life positively?
The first and most important result of empathy is that if you empathize, your social connections will be much stronger. Moreover, having strong social connections means that you have solved many of your physical and psychological problems before they occur.
A person who tries to understand the emotions of others, that is, empathizes, actually learns to understand and manage his own emotions in this process. In other words, as we empathize, we actually understand ourselves and become emotionally stronger.
As you empathize, you will gain mutual gain in social life. That is, the more you help the person you empathize with, the more likely you are to get help when you need it from that person and other people who receive this help. This is a natural consequence even if you are not helping with such a purpose.
Don’t exhaust yourself trying to empathize too much:
Okay, understanding other people’s feelings and helping them is a wonderful thing, but remember, you have a life too. If you constantly think about others, try to understand their feelings and do your best to help, maybe not immediately, but after a while you will feel collapsed both physically and spiritually.
Unfortunately, there is also a manipulation aspect to the incident. You may always be trying to understand the other party’s feelings in your purest way, but not everyone reflects their feelings to you in their most honest way. In this regard, there will definitely be people who will manipulate you into doing what they want and even force you to break even your strictest rules. So, empathize, but set your limits.
We answered frequently asked questions such as what is empathy, which forms the cornerstones of our social structure, how is it established, and what are its social benefits. What we say is for informational purposes only. If you have any problems with empathy, you should definitely get support from an expert on this issue. Ultimately, the neurological and psychological aspects of this issue outweigh.
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