The act of deception, which is not a one-person act, that is, the consequences of which only the deceiver is not responsible, is an immoral act against the person in a marriage or relationship. The fact that cheating is on the rise today and is one of the most important reasons for divorce requires more research on this issue.
Trust broken in deception is often irreparably damaged. Even in a new partnership with a new partner, there is a trust problem first and the question always remains in mind: What if it happens to me again?
Some things can really be hidden in our childhood.
Although the reason for cheating is different for each individual, there are some common reasons. The item that is thought to be common for women and men is insecure attachment with parents.
Although there are different findings, the results of Eda Kaya Örk’s compilation study titled “Cheating and Divorce in the Framework of Attachment Theory” show that attachment in infancy also predicts adult romantic relationships. In other words, according to the author, when you cannot establish a secure bond with your caregiver as a baby, your adult romantic relationships are adversely affected.
In many studies, it has been seen that the definition of cheating is not the same for men and women, and people try to justify the act of cheating in their own way. For example, while women consider an emotional conversation to be cheating, this may be normal for many men. In addition, it is thought that women cheat for more emotional reasons.
No reason justifies cheating, but women often cheat when they’re not appreciated.
According to the author here, women feel neglected and ignored when they are not appreciated enough. This thought also paves the way for women to feel unloved and to question their place in the union.
Lack of sensuality and intimacy can cause women to cheat.
According to experts, women prefer relationships with intense emotional interaction along with sexuality. Their absence also makes them feel worthless.
Lack of interest may be pushing women to cheat because it makes them feel lonely.
Both parties have expectations in partnerships. What women expect is attention. Although this interest varies from person to person, women who think that their spouses do not take care of them enough and do not spare time for themselves; they feel lonely and this loneliness may be showing them cheating as a way of salvation.
Men have reasons to try to normalize their cheating, but these may not be real reasons.
Many men say that in order to normalize what they do, they either say that other men do the same things and it’s normal, or that what they’re doing is harmless and that problems in their marriage are pushing them to do it. When you go deeper into these, you can see that there are different dynamics underneath.
They may be cheating because they are not mature enough to take responsibility for a relationship.
According to research, men who are not aware that their actions are only about themselves and that the consequences will harm the other party can cheat. Those who cannot cope with the problems in their lives in a healthy way may see alcohol and sexuality as the solution. They need to be aware that this is not a solution, but an escape from existing problems.
Cheating is also more common in men with self-confidence problems.
Not seeing yourself worthy of your spouse can also be a reason for cheating. Men who do not seek a solution but seek an escape seem to resort to deception more frequently.
According to experts, especially in midlife crises, men resort to this way to feel more valuable. Or, slightly different from these, the person may want to end the relationship, but behaving in ways that will enable the other party to end it because his/her self-confidence is insufficient.
Selfish men cheat more often.
The person whose priority is himself has a lot of expectations from the other party. When he realizes that the other party does not fulfill his expectations, especially if he does not have social support and family support, this may result in cheating.
Men who expect their spouses to meet all their needs, when they see that this is not the case (which cannot be anyway), they can turn to this new relationship, which they think can be met, without saying right or wrong.
Cheating is never the only way.
Being unfaithful to your spouse in an unhappy union is one way, but a negative one. Couples therapy can be chosen as the right way to fix problems in the relationship.
If the problems could not be solved despite all the attempts, being honest with our partner and the path of separation or divorce; Let’s not forget that there may be a healthier way to break his trust than to humiliate him and ourselves.
- Sources: DergiPark, Karatay University, Psychology Today, Psychology Today
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